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I’ve always followed the memo “everything happens for a reason”, or, at least, I try to. Sometimes it is easier said than done.
I’ve found that most people like to say they follow it too. It’s an easy way to romanticize the messy and unruly. The unplanned details and turns can be explained in a way in a single sentence. It’s quite beautiful actually-- the idea that even in the worst of situations some sembelenacne of a silver lining can be found. That if you wait long enough, it will work out.
However, it is far easier to preach this when in the high positive. It is far easier to use it to explain when looking back, than to believe when in a dark spot. Little solace can be found when not benefitting from the idea. I struggle with it myself and thus I know other must as well. To look back and say “Okay… This terrible thing happened so I can benefit now” sounds far wiser and is much more impressive than saying “Okay.. While this does suck right now, it will be okay someday. I just don’t know why or how yet”. As human beings, especially in the age of technology, we crave quick answers and definite outcomes.
But, I believe and often have to remind myself that through the hard parts is where we really learn. And sometimes, that learning may even be the reason we experience the hard bits. Perhaps we’ve unknowingly even avoided additional difficulties, due to what we’ve learned in the past. So, while I might not want to deal with the difficult things, I try to always remember that it will make sense in the long run. Maybe in a few days, a few weeks, months, or even years.
Another important thing I try to remember is that the strongest people face the most adversity. This semester I took a class on the psychology of resilience. I took this partially because I feel that I am fairly resilient, and wanted to learn why I may show more resilient traits than some of my peers. Especially my most "perfect" seeming peers seemed to crumble at the first sign of adversity, which I could never understand.
One day in the class that really spoke to me was the day we learned about rejection and its impact on resilience. Instantly, it was if the whole world made sense. I had cracked the code. Or rather, I had finally discovered the code.
I’ll be the first to admit, I have faced so much rejection in my life. Yes, I’ll also be forthcoming that I’ve had plenty of successes. And, I am proud of both my rejections and my successes. Oftentimes, rejections with the right attitude can be flipped to success. For example: I didn’t make it into the NHS the first time around, but I was successful in advocating for myself in appealing the board's decision three times. Was my appeal successful? Not technically, but I could go to bed at night knowing that they knew how I felt and that I took no sway in their opinion. Or, a friendship ends suddenly and painfully and that sucks. But, at least now I know and have the opportunity to leave that toxic environment. That’s a success. Between finding out now and later down the road, I’m glad to get it out of the way.
I guess the point of this is, when you face rejection don’t run from it. In a weird sort of way, embrace it. Whether it be rejection from an opportunity, an individual, society as a whole, or something else. The more you are rejected, the more comfortable you become with that rejection. Not expecting immediate success actually helps. I’ve been willing to put myself out there and try new things not because I think I’m so incredibly amazing, but because I know I might get rejected and I’m okay with that. I’ve been rejected before and recovered, and this time will be no different. The more chances you take, the more likely you are to experience cool and unique opportunities and the more chances you have to learn.
I also think rejection teaches you how to live. When rejected, one truly finds who they are. There is no doing anything for someone else, when you’ll be rejected anyways. I never played the popular sport, changed myself for anyone, or worked/lied to fit in. Because I didn’t care if they rejected me. So what?
I’d rather be happy and be myself. Yeah, it sucks in the moment but over the years it truly allowed me to become the person I am today and I genuinely would not change a thing.
Everything happens for a reason, so there is a reason behind that rejection. It may sting now, but it will build you up for something later. It’s setting the stage for your future successes, you just don’t know it yet. Have faith. Because if you don’t have faith and hope for the future, what really do you have? Let them reject them now, so that it is so much better when you prove them wrong.
One of the things that I’ve always said is that I want my high school to ask me to come back and speak at graduation when I am successful someday. Not because I love my high school, quite the opposite in fact. We had a very strained relationship. They did not appreciate or value me or my opinions, and in my opinion was incredibly corrupt and had several larger issues. But, I won’t bore you with that. The point is, I work my ass off with the goal of one day being asked to speak at the school that once had little to no appreciation for me or my talents.
Never underestimate the power of a solid work ethic and an attitude of determination, because without it you will never be able to truly be anything and with it you can do anything.
