Looking Back on September 1st

September 1st is my sister Grace’s birthday, and she is my best friend, so I was reminiscing on some past birthdays of hers today.

I remember the day she was born-- I was two. However, I don’t actually remember her at all. I was standing in the big glass window sills of the hospital. We were high up, so I was looking out over the city. On my feet were my favorite red cowgirl boots that my grandma had bought me. I wore them nearly everyday, so much so that she had to buy me a new pair for my birthday. My orange and red windbreaker that my grandma had also bought me, and my jeans with flowers embroidered completed the outfit. Sitting in the waiting room with my other set of grandparents I had no idea what I was waiting for or how much my life would change.

Fast-forward a few years (I believe two) and it was Grace’s birthday again. This time I actually knew who she was. Me and Grace were sitting on the patio, right near the dog-berry tree that is since gone. In fact, we no longer even live at that house anymore. Our two dalmatians, Georgie and Frankie, hovered around us as we played on the ground. Grace is wearing a pink and black cheerleading costume. Nearby stood our parents, aunts and uncles, and my grandma who had bought me the red cowboy boots. I was excited because Grace had received a soft, suede, light brown stuffed buffalo for her birthday. I loved the way it felt on my skin, and she was too young to stop me from taking it. As we sat there, playing with our new buffalo, I looked out into the backyard as the sun set over the orchard. I didn’t know what to call it yet, but I now know that the happiness and warmth I felt in that moment was actually love. A love that would withstand the years and all the struggles that came with it. I often wonder what happened to that suede buffalo...

Every year for as long as I can remember, my grandma Nancy would make Grace her scalloped potatoes and chocolate cake for her birthday. One year, we were at her house eating her annual special “birthday dinner” when my Dad asked my mom “Why did someone order colored pencils”. My mom quickly responded that no one had ordered colored pencils. He pressed on, saying “Jen, I can see on my phone that colored pencils were just delivered to our house”. Finally my mom laughed and said that the colored pencils were for Grace’s birthday. I remember thinking it was so funny that my Dad had just accidentally exposed one of her gifts.

Last year for Grace’s birthday, I tried to make the cake that my grandma used to make. I think I did pretty good, but then Elouise (my dog) stepped on it and left a perfect paw print imprint in the cake. We laughed and ate around it (it was pretty good), but it felt symbolic.

This year, Grace is in college for her birthday. I’ve ordered her a gift (shipping is delayed due to the virus), and I posted about her on instagram, but it still feels different. There was no special yellow cake with chocolate frosting, and no one in my family saw her. Although my mom did send 45 cupcakes to college so kudos to her.

Throughout the pandemic we rarely missed any special family days or holidays, as we had nowhere to be but home. In a weird sort of way, I had adjusted to the new normal. Now I don’t know when I will see Grace, and I doubt it will be all 4 of us together. Most of the people in the childhood memories I just shared are dead. It’s crazy how looking back, you don’t even know to appreciate the moments that you’re experiencing until they are gone.

This year Grace is 18. I hope she has an amazing year. She is so strong, independent, hysterical, and intelligent. College is going to challenge her while also allowing her to blossom into the strong heroine that she has already started to become. I hope she has some of the random memories that I have to appreciate. I admire her and hope that someday I can have just a sliver of the witt, work ethic, and humor that she already possesses. She has become everything from my voice of reason to my closest confident to my partner in crime. I love you G-force!