Resilience Through Struggle

As I start my junior year of college, I feel, in a weird sort of way, that I am in the homestretch. Since I first started shadowing at a local hospital my sophomore year of high school, to my nursing program my senior year, getting a job at that same hospital after I graduated and working there since, to starting college. Now, here I am, starting my last two years of school. And then, that’s it. It’ll be (if all goes as planned) Madison Weber, RN. Two years left may feel long, but when I look at the big picture it starts to feel closer and closer to the finish line.

The past few days I’ve been getting my books in the mail, enrolling in my classes via blackboard, and even starting readings and discussion boards for class. I may still have two years and four difficult semesters ahead, but I am still damn proud of myself. Sometimes I think, "how did I get here? There's no way I deserve to be here! I don't know enough". But the thing is, I do know enough. I've done everything that I can to be prepared for this, and I'm just allowing my self doubt allow me to feel like an imposter in the life that I've built.

As I look back on the past few years of my life, I have truly been through so much. From attending a more-than-mildly problematic high school, losing a massive chunk of my family, going to college through the pandemic, working in healthcare through the pandemic, experiencing loss with some of what I thought were my closest friends, and so much more. Yet, here I am, still on my feet and walking forward. Challenges and overcoming and even failing builds resilience and resilience builds success.

Some of the strongest people I know and can think of have been through situations that make other people scratch their head and say “how?”. This is no coincidence. Those humbling moments that make you question the most basic aspects of yourself and the world you live in allow you to truly build yourself up. I quickly realized if the world doesn’t have faith in me, then I must because no one else will.

It's the same as working out your body. The more resistance that your muscles experience, both in severity and frequency, the better and quicker they learn to adapt and overcome. This same concept applies when considering your whole life. You have the opportunity everyday to create energy; but it is what energy you choose to create that is really important. When viewed with perspective, losses may become gains or even opportunities. Failures become a learning opportunity, or a blip on the radar on the bigger picture of life. I firmly believe that while I may not know why something is happening, even if it seems impossible to comprehend, there is a good reason and chances are that eventually I will look back and smile as I realize the reason.

I believe this is struggle-resilience parallel partially due to the fact that if you have already felt the sharp sting of failure, you have so much less to fear. After enough bad things happen to you, you begin to realize that you did in fact walk out the other side and you maybe actually learned something through the process. While I do hate the saying of “it builds character”, it does have some root in truth. One cannot go through change without changing with it. Like little kids who get what they want become spoiled, adults can become spoiled with life until it bites them later on.

Although I am well aware that the next semester and even the next two years will be difficult at times, I also hold optimism in my heart. Because, I also know that it will be amazing at times and I will learn so much either way. I’m going to continue to push myself to do things that make me uncomfortable, and I’m probably going to suck at or get rejected from some of them. Some may call me cynical, negative or jaded, but I’d rather apply myself to 10 things and rock six of them than apply to 2 out of fear of rejection. It’s like a lottery ticket; the more potentially rewarding/potentially terrible situations you put yourself in the more you’re going to “win”. Not to say there aren't moments I don’t “chicken out”, but again, the more you push yourself the farther and few between those become. The less they matter. It will suck at times, but in the end I’ll look back and smile and say “it was worth it”. Call me foolish for believing that, but if I didn’t, why should I waste my time doing it anyways?

I’m sure there will be multiple days coming up where I feel like the world is quite literally crashing down around me, but then, tomorrow will come and I will realize I was probably being overdramatic. Perspective comes with resilience. The more you fail the more you realize how important it is to fight afterwards. Our experiences shape and mold us, either for the good and bad. Bad situations are going to happen to you regardless of how you utilize them-- that part is up for you to decide.

Because, eventually you’ll get to a point where you realize that after everything you only have two years left before you make it all worth it. And, I’ll be honest, that’s a validating moment. And if this is validating, I can’t imagine how good it will feel at the end. Live in the moment, appreciate the little things, and keep your eye on the prize. You are probably far closer than you realize. Two steps forward is still two steps forward regardless of how small they are.