The Ratio

Until recently, I didn’t realize what a big proponent of the life “ratio” I am. I heard the phrase “maintaining the ratio” and it was a lightbulb moment. Essentially, it means to go above and beyond to constantly be better and better. Especially when bad or less desirable things may happen. Because, in my mind, if one bad thing happens in my life I need to make four good ones happen to balance it out.

First I saw it on Tik Tok and I thought it was funny, because of how accurate it was. I often use low low moments as motivation to be better– and I think that’s healthy to a degree. But, in my case, I often lost sight of the significance of those positives because I was more focused on fixing my “ratio”. I guess, in a way, focusing on the destination and not the journey.

And quite frankly, I think this can be a damaging mindset. At least for me. Constantly striving, not because you want to for the sake of it but rather because you need to just to maintain a good equilibrium. There’s no wiggle room, and no real understanding that sometimes things just aren’t going to work. Or that it’s okay not to be perfect or on my A-game at all times. But I forget that just because someone else does something cool or good, doesn't mean that I'm behind or a failure, and I should just be able to be happy for them. They are not a reflection of me.

Because, in all honesty, a huge part of this ratio is superficial. It’s to offset what I see as a “failure” and cover it up with positives and accolades. Breakup? Go to the gym twice a day. Lose a position? Become president of something else. Lose a friend? Go out of your way just to make four more. It’s kind of like forced fun– if something happened that should knock you down, you have to at least appear to be doing even better.

Of course, part of everything is in the name of genuinely bettering myself. And I love the things I do, and I love being active and involved and having a busy schedule. But I’m also mature enough to realize that part of this was just a manifestation of spite, and concern about how I was perceived. I couldn’t just be someone who took a loss– how would people see me then? I hope to live a life where everything I do is done solely for me and my desires.

Sometimes, you just have to fail at something. Sometimes it’s okay not to put yourself through hell and back just to “come out on top” in your own eyes. Do these amazing things for you– not for this invisible hamster wheel that you’ll never win on.

I’m a human being, and I’m definitely going to have situations in my life where I don’t necessarily have a win. And while I think it’s okay to use that to drive you forward, I also think it’s important to look at why you’re doing that. Is it for you– or is it for how you worry others will see you? To really come out on top, is to find inner peace and not be preoccupied with how others view you. Because sometimes your plans are going to fall apart, and you're going to fail. You'll make the wrong call, make a stupid decision, or forget how to do something. You won't get every position you try out for. And in those situations, it's okay to be okay with yourself while also learning from them. Doing good or "impressive" things is always exciting, but it's even more exciting to do them for you.

I’ve been trying to implement this in my life. Not to lose my work ethic or drive, but to focus less on the ratio and more on being my best self. Less on “revenge” achievement, and more on advancing myself. I may not be perfect, and I’ll be the first to admit that I still have a mental “ratio” in my head. But, at least I’m now able to admit that it exists, and that it may not be the healthiest way to determine my self-worth. With the ratio, it's a battle you'll never win. And it's important to recognize that.