To be too much

Now hear me out; there’s this silly little rumor out there on the street that someone can be “too much”. I couldn’t tell you how many times in my life I’ve heard those words– pretty equally with both positive and negative inflections. And I’ll be honest, I don’t really understand it. Nowadays when people say something of the sorts, I’ll follow up with a “what do you mean?”. And when they try to explain, well that’s when they usually give up. They’ll say “oh you know, you’re just too much. It’s just you– I can’t explain.” In my defense, I was set up to be "too much" from a young age. Imagine being 5'10 in middle school with bright red hair. Seriously-- how could I not stick out. Might as well embrace it.

To be honest, I do think I understand what people mean when they say this. I’m loud, I can talk to pretty much anyone, I have (sometimes unpopular) opinions, I can be (slightly) dramatic on occasion, I like to laugh, and so forth. But, I urge you to never allow yourself to be defined as “too much”. Rather, the person saying that is defining themself as “too little” or “not enough”. Their definition of “too much” is not so much a reflection of you, but rather a hint into how they see themselves.

It really used to bother me when people would say that. I’d sit and think about it for hours; how was I too much? Was it bad? Or worse, was I annoying? How could I fix myself to be less in certain situations? In high school, I wasn’t allowed into NHS because my teachers thought I had “too much confidence”. Yes, they did in fact tell a 16 year old girl that she was too confident in herself! I remember sitting there while the teacher told me the news and thinking “what does he want me to do about it?”.

I don’t think I was ever even cocky, or arrogant. But rather, I knew who I was. I had a sense of self. I found comfort and pride in who I knew I was. Sure there was a days when it wasn’t there, but even on those days where I didn’t like myself I still knew who I was and where I stood in the world. And, I wasn't afraid to make sometimes odd but definitely bold decisions. I'm sure my mom enjoyed getting called by the school because I had hung my snapcode around the school on flyers. Or when I made flyers advertising for a workout partner over the summer. Apparently the school had to approve anything hung around the building-- and they did not appreciate my tendency to conveniently forgot that. My senior year, the window in the bathroom was ajar so I took it as an opportunity climb outside said window and into the courtyard. I'll never forget walking back into class for the teacher to say "Madison, did you just climb out the window". I was amazed! How could they know that? Unbeknownst to me, the window was directly across from the principal's office and she had called down to tell them I had been seen galavanting around the property.

From the time I was a little kid, to that phase in middle school where I would only wear large decorative headbands and neon skinny jeans (seriously, I didn't wear denim for like 2 years), to when I got to college and wanted to start a blog. Seriously-- "You're so extra! Who's going to read it". I guess in a sense, I've been extra or "too much" my entire life. But if that's the case-- am I too much or am I just me?

There is this insane push in our world to fit in this box. To cross things off on a bullet pointed list and if you do so, you’ll be “successful” or even “happy”. And if you do more than that, you’re “too much” and if you don’t do enough you won’t be enough. So who are we really trying to please here? Just because someone does not fit your idea or standards does not mean they are wrong, and the same goes for you! If we were all able to let go of these antiquated standards I think the world would be a happier place. Imagine a world where we could all just "be" rather than trying to be who we think we should be, and beating ourselves up if we aren't.

Never let someone tell you that you’re too much. And if they do, don’t listen. Wear those neon skinny jeans for two years, and climb out that window (maybe). Just because you don’t fit someone's narrative of who you should be does not mean you’re too much. To try to make yourself to be less is to do the entire world a disservice. Eventually we’ll all find the people who appreciate all of us. Because for some people, you won’t be too much but rather the perfect amount.

If you can't find joy in yourself, you surely won't find it anywhere else.