Imposter Syndrome

Speaking from personal experience, I am often a victim of “imposter syndrome”, and I know many of my peers have expressed feeling the same way at points in time. Imposter syndrome is the phenomenon of feeling unprepared, underqualified, and experiencing self doubt in situations where you actually are qualified or educated enough. Basically, it’s saying “how did I end up here” when you did in fact work and earn your spot together.

As I mentioned before, I genuinely don’t think it’s just me. I’ve been at clinical, in class, or at work when my friend goes “I feel like I don’t deserve to be here, and I don’t know why I am”. I can’t count how many times I’ve heard it, or thought it about myself.

However I think, for young women especially, I think it’s important to be able to recognize your own limits– and that includes giving yourself credit where credit is due. In a society where women are underestimated, underappreciated, and underutilized it’s more difficult (in my opinion) to see your strengths.

For example, a few months ago I was applying for a job and in my contract they mentioned that I would be receiving above base pay. I was baffled. I could not think of a single reason that they would pay me above the base rate. What could I have possibly done to deserve that? In my surprise, I even said “really?1” to the recruiter. She gave me a funny look and said “Yes, really. You have three years of specialized experience in this field. You’re an asset.” Like it should have been obvious. “Oh”, I realized, she was right. I was coming in with three years of incredibly relevant experience and three years of nursing school. I guess the– slight– pay raise did make sense. The entire way home I was more preoccupied with how had I seemed to forget my value as an educated and experienced employee, over the $0.50 raise.

A few months later, I was applying to another job– on another OB floor at a local hospital. At this point, I had nearly 3 years of OB experience at one hospital, and almost a year at another. When I talked to the recruiter, she told me that the chances at the job were slim as it was not a posted position but that she could try to send my resume along. Within 48 hours, I had an interview scheduled with the high risk OB floor at one of the biggest hospitals in the state. Talking to my parents I said “There’s no way I’m actually going to get the job. It’s way too good”. They gently reminded me “Why would they even give you an interview if they definitely didn’t want you”. Long story short, I got the job and now work there.

One of my clinical instructors always told us “You are trained professionals and you deserve to get as much money as possible”-- and give us tips like keeping everything extra we did through the year to bring up at our annual reviews (that determine salary) and tips on which extra certifications to get. This is important because nursing is often thought of as solely caring for individuals– which it is. But nurses are also clinically trained and educated professionals with countless skills (and are often women) and deserve to get paid as such.

But this goes beyond a professional level (although that is a big part of it). Personally, I find it so much easier to see the good or value in others than myself. And again, I really don’t think I’m the only one. It’s so easy to stand in clinical and say “how did I get here?” and so much harder to look at the three years of hard work in school and at work that I’ve put in. How easy it is to forget our own accomplishments.

It took me a long time to realize that my time was of value– and that the things I did with that tim were just as valuable. Self-admitted, I’m a climber. I’m constantly thinking about what I can do to put myself ahead in the future. How is what I’m doing right now going to affect me down the road– and what will I wish that I did? However, when they gave me that ever so small raise at the hospital it was really my first tangible evidence of “Wait… My hard work.. There it is. I put myself ahead. All those days I didn’t want to go to work. There they are”. While it was such a small difference, it meant the world to me. And when I realized that I really did deserve it, that meant even more.

I'm sure you've heard this story before, but my junior year of high school I didn't get into National Honors Society because I was "too confident". Yes, apparently that is one of the pillars of NHS. So, what did I do? I appealed their decision three times-- and was rejected each time. Was I over confident? Or, did I know that was an honors student, Varsity athlete, with plenty of varied leadership experience, and several jobs under my belt. When they told me that I wasn't in, I remember saying "I don't think you should ever tell a 16 year old girl that she's too confident". And then I reapplied the next year, got in, and at graduation stole the NHS garb because I had worked hard for that.

So, while I’m not encouraging anyone to be arrogant or to overestimate themselves, I do encourage you to remind yourself of your value– whatever that means to you. Maybe it’s affirmations. For me, I keep a master list of everything I’ve done or accomplished and before an interview or application I’ll look at it to remind myself of all the experiences I do have. All those long nights studying, or sleepless nights working at the hospital just to work in the afternoon again the next day– they count for something. And while it can be easy, don’t forget that. It's not arrogant to know your worth if you're also aware of your shortcomings. Besides, the world is probably going to tear you down a bit anyways. Might as well make up for it with your own love. Obviously it's important to know your limits and where you can still grow and develop, but it's also just as important to recognize your strengths.