We are who we will always be.

So, I’ve had a bit of a revelation lately.

We are the people that we always are, and we always have been and we always will be. I know it sounds obvious, so let me explain!

A few days ago, I was looking for something in my camera roll from a few years ago and I ended up scrolling back pretty far (2016-2017). I had a pretty good high school experience with a lot of friends and I really don’t look back with anything but mainly positive memories, thankfully as I know not everyone experiences that. However, as I scrolled through all the pictures and the memories came flooding back I couldn’t help but smile. Then it hit me.

I have so many videos “vlogging” and recording and talking to the camera about the most irrelevant aspects of my day. In fact, I remember recording them and thinking “This is exciting. Everyone will love it”. When in reality, I doubt anyone was dying to watch a 3 minute stream of video about me and my mom going on a trip to the grocery store. But, at the time, I really truly felt I was on the cutting edge.

And guess what, here I am now, still spilling my internal thoughts into the void that is the internet. I still doubt anyone really checks this either. But guess what, same as back then, I’m not going to stop.

But that’s not what this stream of consciousness is about-- not really. Kind of. Looking at pictures of me and my old friends from 2015-2017 I realized that most of us have not changed at. At all, really. However we probably aren’t friends anymore. And that’s no slander, at all. It’s been so long and I wouldn’t expect my friends from sophomore year of high school to still be my besties. But, it’s amazing how we are all so similar yet so different at the same time.

When I look back at that time period, I feel no different. Seriously. I remember it like it was yesterday. But, at the same time, I’m such a different person. Or, rather, I’m the same person with differente experiences. I can’t think of a single day that absolutely changed my life and my identity (maybe the day my Grandma died, yet even that is a stretch as I believe that was the entire process rather than a day). Yet I look back and feel so close yet so far from who I was.

But, at the same time, I was still the girl making her mom record her doing stupid something and “vlogging” the most mundane aspects of my daily life. Even when I look at my friends in those (numerous) vlogs I took, I can see that their personality really hasn’t changed much. Me and my mom wnet out to breakfast this morning, and you better believe I took a vlog of us! Last night I was dogsitting at my parents house and I burnt some popcorn; my first instinct-- vlog it. Does anyone really care about my popcorn? No. But I think they should!

It’s quite fascinating to me that we can all be the same in so many ways (yet different in others), but end up in completely different places. We were best friends when we were 16, and we are both the same people, yet we havent talked in years. What happened? It’s the cycle of life I guess. It just makes me wonder-- where will we be?

I think it is quite beautiful that I can look back at videos from middle school and high school and see glimpses into the personality that would go on to stick with me. Where will I be in 5 years? Who knows. But, I do know that I will be some variation of the self that I am now. I’ll probably be the same overly-sharing individual. In fact, I’ll probably look back at what I used to share (perhaps even this blog) and wonder what I was thinking.

I still listen to the emo music. I still dress (fairly) “edgy”. I still have a passion for the underdog, I’m just more educated about it now. I still love writing and sharing (hence the blog). I still love my vlogging. I still love hanging out with my parents. I still love working out to clear my head. I started nursing school last week. I'm still the same person who has a "reading nook" in their closet in middle school. I'm really no different at all. How does that all happen? Nothing has changed, yet so much has. I just think it is quite beautiful to watch oneself grow up, mature, and develop. Not into a different person, but into the person they were meant to be.

Who will we all be? What have we yet to learn?